9/11

so, here it is 5 years from 9/11. when i came into work today there were a bunch of people gathered around the flag pole in a moment of rememberence. i'm not sure how i'm supposed to feel today. i didn't know anyone effected by the tragedy. i feel horrible about it and actually, maybe it's becuase i'm kind of in a funk today, but i really hate it. i hate that our world has had to change so much. that now we are at war. that i think about it every time i fly. that when i'm a large gathering space i wonder how many people would die if there was a terrorist attack at that moment. that every month we hear about some terrorist attack somewhere in the world, or at least a threat. those things used to happen - but to others, not to americans. and the truth is, there is a very small chance that i will ever be involved in any terrorist incident. i'm middle-class gal in the suburbs.

i hate that the press makes such a big deal about it. i know it was horrible and deserves to be acknowledged - but i still resent it taking over the media every year. there are so many stories, and while i feel bad for people, they all seem to blend together and are quite depressing. also, i feel like there is a worldwind of politicians making statements and accusations. i don't blame our government for letting it happen but tons of people do. the thing is, there are always people in the world that want to do bad things. and we can try and prevent it as much as possible, but we can't always do so. it happened. why point fingers still? five years later.

i was more remorseful of it this past month than today. i've been watching some of the tv shows on A&E and the history channel. Shows about each flight. Shows about people who were supposed to be on the flights but missed them for some reason. And I remembered and grieved during those time. Today, it is just an overwhelming bombardment of it all. My radio alarm clock had stories about 9/11. Good Morning America was all about 9/11. The radio on the way into work was all about 9/11. My inbox is filled with things about 9/11. and i have just had too much.

i know it's selfish of me to be sick of it all. but it almost seems commercial. networks and radion stations competing to have the most original take on the tragedy to get an audience.

when i think back at 9/11 there are 2 things that really get me. 1) it was the first time in history that a major tragedy happened and the world was able to watch it real-time as it happened. the unbelievable shock of using planes to plow into buildings. we just could not comprehend it. 2) the workers. the concept that it happened with people in their normal work environment. it's hard to explain. some people were just starting their work day when the buildings got hit. the fireman and police were executing what they were trained to do. the people in air control were doing what they were trained to do. even the news people reporting as they were trained to do. it's amazing how many people just went through their tasks during all the madness. it's like everyone went on autopilot during the shock and what occurred was really a bunch of hero type behavior. i'm not sure if i'm articulating that clearly, but it is what i think of. the crazyiness that can happen to anyone during a regular work day.

i do think that united 93 is the best movie that portrayed this. i absolutely loved that movie even though it was so hard to watch. i really felt like i was either on that plane or in the control room. i thought it was so neat how the air traffic control responded. it was like a mystery because they couldn't figure out what was going on. and that captured it exactly. as it happened, the entire world wondered what was going on.