Playing Parrot - Devil's Haircut Beck

We Are the Boys

Bring It On - I Got You Babe

Around San Francisco - In The Summertime

Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco - Perfect Day

making movies

i still can't get the video camera footage onto my computer. i think i need a video capture card. i'll have to look into it and see what i have already built in. it's supposed to be a multimedia computer but i can't remember if we have it or not. it doesn't look like it in the back.

anyways, i spent the day playing with windows movie maker. i made a movie from our san francisco trip. it was alot of fun. i think i spent about five hours on it - but some of the time was spent learning the app. it's cute and i'm happy with it for my first try.

i think i'll do a chicago one and a hawaii one next. right now the movie is rendering onto my computer. i'm also going to try and break it up into parts and put on youtube. i'd like to burn it onto a dvd also, but not sure how to do that. it will take a few more hours of figuring all this stuff out.

i printed out some great 8x10 photos for chris of him and coltrane. i used some cool actions in photoshop and they look really professional. i'm sending them to with with a black frame, the movie and a burned copy of all the pictures from san francisco. i'm also sending him a nice black journal i got for him. i prepared a separate little package for coltrane with some toys in it. hope to have them scheduled to ship tomorrow.

The lifehacker's dilemma

The lifehacker's dilemma, originally uploaded by dgray_xplane.

i feel this this often

just another friday night

i have baby frogs all over my patio. i think they were born somewhere in the grass. grass is so high that can't go anywhere. they just hang out there all day. they are no bigger than my thumbnail.

tonight i treated myself to a feast of chinese food. i figure it should last me with leftovers for most of the weekend. and of course there is plenty to share with my guys.

it gave me time to play around on the computer a while and watch a movie. i watched match point. i usually hate any type of movie that focuses on an affair. and i didn't like it while i was watching it. but once it got towards the end i got more into it and by the end of it, i liked it. definately a quality rental.

i was supposed to get to play with some video editing but the new cable i bought to hook up to my video camera does not fit into my video camera. false advertising! i'm so annoyed. i can't figure out how to get it from this digital tape onto my computer!

chick proof

below is the first proof of my Chick Graphic. Too bad that right after I sent her my pictures to do this i cut my hair and got highlights. so I asked her to redo my hair and not have me waving. i'm not a waver. i'm more of a shoulder up or hand-on-hip person. also, my friend pointed out that the mouth is way too big for me. so i'll see what she comes up wtih and then ask her to make the mouth smaller. but isn't it fun?

doggie update

the vet called me about tristen just not. apparently tristen is not limping for them today. basically, he told me that corgi's will have arthritis, it is just part of the breed. that i should get a perscription for reumadil and give it to him as needed to relieve him. also, i can give him glucosamine every day which may help. he has gained four pounds since january so i need to have him loose some weight. i already started that. i think that i have been giving him too much food because i'm used to feed a big dog like taylor.

basically, if they want to take x-rays they have to schedule it because they will need to put him under with anastesia. since his legs are so short they are too hard to xray while he is awake. so that will cost another $100-$200. so i'll try it with the medicine first and if it gets bad then well do xrays.

the vet said he is a really, really good dog which makes me feel good. i also asked the vet to check his teeth cuz his breath sticks horribly! he said he needs a teeth cleaning which is $150. so i'm gonna wait and if we need to do xrays i'll get the teeth done too. otherwise, i'll try to put aside $150 to get his teeth taken care of cuz sometimes i don't want to cuddle with the poor guy cuz his breath is too stinky so he misses out a bit. anyways - i guess he'll live.

challenge: favorite movie

from twopeas:

challenge: whats your all time favorite movie and why?

Laura. First of all, I like the fact that an old movie is my favorite movie. That is important to me for some reason. Laura has all the great elements i love. It's classic film noir. The best thing about it for me probably had to do with how i came about watching it and how incredibly suprised i was after watching it. i had no expectations going in and didn't actually realize they movies that good back then. no special effects - it's just a great story / movie. suspenseful from great writing / directing.

I was into Ella Fitzgerald and on one of the CDs I have she sings the song Laura. One day while watching something on AMC they were going through theme songs from movies or something like that. I heard the theme tune from Laura which is an all music version, no lyrics. Some time later i was playing with my TIVO and I noticed that Laura would be on so I recorded it. Even more time passed and on one of those perfect nights, when the mood is kind of somber and you just feel like going back in time and want to watch and old movie, i watched it. and it was magic.

I've watched it since then a few times as well and I get caught up each time. Even though I know what's going to happen I just love all the performers and every thing about it.

debbie does dallas . . . uncovered

i love the sundance channel. they have the most interesting things on. i love independant films. well, some of them. they showcase some good documentary films. tonight i watched one called Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered. No, it's not a porno. But it's about a porno. I never saw it, but of course i've heard of Debbie Does Dallas. there are some nudity scenes, but it is basically R rated or maybe even PG-13 these days.  there is all sorts of mystery surrounding the movie. Bonnie Woods, the star of the movie who plays debbie mysteriously disappeared in the 80s. is she dead or did she change her identity and run away? there were mob ties and fbi undercover agents discussed. interviews with most of the living people connected with the film - many are dead. the porn industry was an interesting period and this movie lead the way with porn movies becoming more mainstream. it was worth watching just because it is so different from anything else.

my relator sucks

my relator called me today at 2pm to tell me there will be a showing between 5:30 and 6:30. he also told me no houses in my neighborhood (out of over 300 available) have sold in the past month. i had a ton of work to do but i left at 4pm to get home, make my bed, straighten up, etc. i was like a mad woman! i called the buyer's relator at 5:25 to find out around what time they'd come. i have to leave and take the dogs with me. she said it's not tonight, it's tomorrow! first of all, it's annoying i have to drop everything to handle a showing but that is the price of selling a house. it's even more annoying when my relator gives me erroneous info!

eat, pray, love

I finished Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert this morning on my way to work (I listen to the audiobook). I loved this book! Maybe it is where I am in my life right now, but I have never been truly been inspired by a book by the way I have with this one. It is a cross between a woman's growth into an independant self that she likes, her travel experiences, and learning about cultures from around the world. The book is separated into three parts. Eat, she is based in Rome and explores Italy. Pray, she is at an ashram in India learning about herself. Love, she is in Bali winding up her adventure and setting her paces for the next step in her life.

I want to listen to it again and maybe I will. The book was different that I thought it would be. I thought it would be more about her travels, not about a woman finding herself. So I kind of tuned out some of the first parts when she was in Italy. But I got completely caught up in her and her experiences once she got to India. She practices meditation and she goes through thinking how tedious some of these practices are and how unrealistic they are in every day life. But then she gets swayed over by her guru. I found her path very interesting. Some of my favorite parts is how she described her relationships and the people she meets from all over the world. And when she goes to these places she lives there for four months each so we find out what life really is like. The audiobook is read by the author herself and she seems like someone who thinks and feels the same things as me. I want to be her friend :)

wolf spider

there is a spider as big as my hand on the wall at my work. he's up on the wall by the cieling. someone showed him to me and i went and stood under him to look real good and they tell me, "don't get too close, they jump." hello! thanks for the warning. i took five steps back super quick. someone said it's a wolf spider. they are trying to throw a shoe up and kill it. i'd prefer for them to catch it and get it outside, but he's just too scary looking and moves way too fast. lovely florida.

making herself comfortable

isn't my puppy cute? taylor went to bed without me tonight since i was staying up to scrapbook. what a bed hog!

america's cup

this page was from the caribbean cruise back in march. while we were in philipsburg, st. maarten we participated in an America's Cup Sailing Regatta. we actually got to sail on the original boat that won - Stars and Stripes. Margie was our captain and she got to pick our team members, we came in second place. we lost just by a hair.

Dog Dancing Show

Dog Dancing Show

armchair traveling

i'm being an armchair traveler today. last week when i was in vacation mode i went through the tv schedule on travel channel and recorded a bunch of shows. so today i sifted through them. i deleted a few that weren't what i thought they'd be or about someplace i'm no longer interested in. but mostly, i've been watching all sorts of interesting shows. the two best so far were the global trekker who went to indonesia and anthony boudin's no reservations who went to peru.

i'm trying to get interested in new places to travel. i always seem to want to go to europe and have been to a few places there. but it's just too damn expensive with the euro right now. so i'm checking out places in mexico and south america. i've never really know what's there before except for the beaches. so now i'm getting some good ideas. there is tons of cool culture there as well, but it's WAY different than europe.

introspection and buddhism

i have been having the most introspective day so far. it is so relaxing and gentle. i am reading a really good book called eat, love, pray and it has inspired me to do some meditation. i found several podcasts offering guided meditation and discussing interesting spiritual topics. i also have some which focus on practicing buddhism in daily life. last night i listened to a "go to sleep" meditation and when my dog woke me up at 6:30 this morning instead of turning on the tv i listened to an interesting podcast from 21st Century Buddhism called Being Alone and Being Interdependent. i fell back asleep but then i listened to it again later.

it was very interesting and thought provoking. the one stance is that we meditate to learn how to be alone with ourselves. to enjoy ourselves. no one can help us or save us but ourselves. the other buddhist view is that we are all connected and all one. so it is the complete opposite of beining alone because there is no one thing or soul that is alone since they are all interconnected. the discussion went on to discuss and bridge the two differences.

i did some yoga, subscribed to a bunch more podcasts and waited while they all downloaded and got them onto my ipod. then i started listening to one from Audio Dharma about the Four Noble Truths. it is in four parts, about an hour each, and is different than i thought. i thought it would be a discussion going through each of the noble truths. it is i guess, but it is more interactive. i think it is set up as some part of a college class or something because students chime in now and then with their view on things. he takes us through about a thirty minute meditation and then starts discussing the effects of the first noble truth. so for example, after everyone got into a meditative state, he asked to focus on something right now about you that was suffering. then he brought everyone out of the meditation and asked students how it was for them to look for that suffering. some was easy because they were in the midst of crisis. some had to look for something. some said it seemed inconvient to think of suffering because the meditative state was a happy place and they didn't want to bring anything negative in there.

i started falling asleep during the meditation of the second noble truth. i think i'll hold off and listen to this stuff later since it is so deep and long. when i think of meditating i think of 20 minutes or so and it being a happy process. while this is incredibly interesting, i don't want to dedicate four hours of it today. it's like an overload on my soul. today is for light discovery. not a deep process.

right now the thunder had started and the rain is pouring down. i have my screen door open so i can hear and smell the rain. it is totally comfortable to sit here and just listen to it all come down. it is silent except for that and the chattering of my parrot who is practicing saying all the words and sounds he knows while playing with his toys and calling himself a good boy.

one funny thing happened during the meditation. charlie bird was sitting up on his play stand working really hard at trying to destroy some palm leaf toy thing i got for him. he loves to tear things apart. during the meditation a guy would say something with his very calm voice and then go into a few minutes of silence. at one point a student coughed really loud and it came through the speakers and scared charlie so much he fell off the perch!

the adventures of tom sawyer

i'm listening to The Adventures of Tom Sawyer on audiobook. i downloaded the mp3 version from a site that has free versions of many of the classics online. i'm listening to it while i work. i get through about 6 chapters a day and then i switch back to music. i find it is kind of peaceful to be working to a story, even if sometime i lose my place because i'm thinking about work and not the story. anyways, this is a great book. very amusing. i read it as a child but don't really remember all the specifics so it's great to refamiliarize myself with the story.

i really appreciate it now because i just finished the autobiography of mark twain (also listened to at work on audio). in that book we learn that huck finn was based on one actual person. tom sawyer was based on a variety of people in mark twain's life when he was growing up. even sometimes mark twain based tom sawyer on himself. in the novel tom goes through a comic situations that actually happened to mark twain or his friends. so much of both the huck finn and tom sawyer stories are actually true - just exaggerated as twain was well know for.

the character of tom sawyer reminds me of a friend i have. of course my friend is an adult but i totally now see him as tom sawyer. he's a total rascal. he is also very smart and knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. a bit of a hustler i guess. always getting himself into amusing situations or working himself up into a tizzy. but he still has a conscience. so i find it even more amusing when i listen to this story, with all of tom's sticky situations and bratty ways, picturing it being my friend as a 12-year-old.

challenge: weekend plans

from twopeas:

challenge- What are your weekend plans?

um, don't know for sure. kind of an unplanned weekend. i do have one thing planned . . . I'm going to Art after Dark at the Tampa Art Museum this evening. It's a monthly thing where they open the museum in the evening and a bunch of people go to have drinks, socialize and check out the art. My only goal for this weekend is to get on a good sleep schedule. I'm going to try to go to bed the same time each night. That means in bed by 11 which I'm trying to do during the week as well.I will say that it is no fun to go to bed early. but i'm hoping that instead of having busy late nights, that i can switch into busy early mornings. so in be by 11 and up at 7 or 8. this is a struggle for me but it's my goal for this weekend. other than that, i'd like to scrapbook for a bit because i haven't done that in over a month! i've had my nose into the computer too much and have not been playing with my creativity.

Vader Sessions

pew study on bloggers

The Pew Internet Life Project has just released a study on blogging in the USA . It's actually quite interesting. It's full of all sorts of statistics compiled from phone interviews with over 7,000 bloggers: "most bloggers are primarily interested in creative, personal expression -- documenting individual experiences, sharing practical knowledge, or just keeping in touch with friends and family." 8 percent of internet users, or abut 12 million American adults keep a blog. 39 percent of internet users, or about 57 million American adults read blog.

Some of the results I find interesting include:

84 percent of bloggers describe their blog as either a "hobby" or just "something I do, but not something I spend a lot of time on."

Most bloggers do not consider blogging a form of journalism even though most often research what they write and even cite sources.

The average blogger spends about two hours a week working on their blog.

The blogging population is young, evenly split between women and men, and racially diverse.

Here is a link to the pdf file of the study results.

children send messages on missles

I don't know the whole story behind this image, but it says a lot on its own. Here, some Israeli girls have apparently been told to "sign" bombs directed at Lebanon, writing messages like "from Israel with love."

Caption, via AP, "Israeli girls write messages on a shell at a heavy artillery position near Kiryat Shmona, in northern Israel, next to the Lebanese border, Monday, July 17, 2006."

praying for them

this is an email i got back from my friend after i inquired if he still had any family in lebanon. when we worked together we would talk about the differences in how he and i grew up. he told me how he grew up there and, though they were horrible, to me he had the most interesting stories about growing up in a war-torn country.  it was and still is hard for me to fully comprehend living in that kind of situation. i'd be stressed about getting a pimple and he'd be stressed about bombs going off in his neighborhood. he's 34 now.

Hi Rachel,

Yes, all of my family still in Lebanon. Ive talked to them over the week-end and before as well. They are all doing well but scared and terrified.  The situation is not getting better and it will not get better until get worst.  Sad times because I really know what they are going through since I went through the exact scenarios growing up there.

Prayer for them
Thanks for your thoughts

everyone reading this, please think of and pray for them. his immediate family lives in beirut.

another day, another attack

another blogger asking a good question:

When a people support a government that does bad things, is it all right to hold the people responsible?
by John in DC - 7/16/2006 10:19:00 PM

It's a question much bigger than Lebanon:

The Western-backed, anti-Syrian prime minister Fuad Saniora held back tears as he vowed on Lebanese television Saturday night to curb the guerrillas, desperate to stop Israel's onslaught.

But on Sunday, President Emile Lahoud a pro-Syrian and an ally of Hezbollah pronounced that Lebanon "will not surrender" to Israel's attempts to batter it into submission.

Few believe Saniora could move against Hezbollah without throwing the country into further turmoil. The army he would have to send into the south has many Shiite members, who might balk at fighting their brethren in the guerrilla force. The country's large Shiite population would be outraged.

Peolpe like to talk, especially, I've found, in Europe and the Middle East, about how they hate the US government but like the American people. They say you can't hold a people responsible for what its government does. That's always struck me as odd, since we live in a democracy where the people are the government, and in the case of Bush, 50 percent or more of the American people, up until recently, supported the man's folly.

When the people support the government, as in this case the Shia in Lebanon likely don't want the government clamping down on Hezbollah and its missile attacks on Israel, at what point are the people responsible for the actions of their own government, and at what point should they be held responsible for those actions?

Meaning, if Hezbollah missiles are killing Israelis, and Hezbollah's actions are supported by Lebanon's Shia population, doesn't Israel have the right to retaliate against the Shia in Lebanon? At the very least against their utilities and their roads? Putting aside the wisdom geo-politically of such action, morally isn't it any country's right to strike back?

Or, if the you think that the Shia in Lebanon don't share responsibility, then do you also believe that Americans who supported Bush, and who voted for him twice, and who supported the war in Iraq don't share any of the blame for the mayhem Bush has unleashed over the past six years?

I don't know what to make of this. On one hand, isn't this the logic that Osama Bin Laden uses? He thinks Americans are responsible for the suffering of the Muslim world.

No, the Lebanese are not collectively responsible for Hezbollah, nor are the the Christian Lebanese being killed as well. Hezbollah has an army, and bases, and they aren't at the Beirut airport, or the power station or in a fleeing convoy of civilians. And the IDF isn't stationed at the center of Haifa or Tel Aviv.

Killing civilians to make a point is despicable on either side. But for Israel to bomb Beirut to force a civil war, the same civil war they couldn't force on the Palestinians, seems like a doomed policy. They are asking for their own people to die as well.

But in the end, maybe we are responsible for our governments. Maybe the people in Lebanon are in some way responsible. They allowed the Hezbollah become so powerful. I mean how can the Prime Minister of a country say something and the President of the same country say something else?

This is a confusing question. Also, if we do answer yes to this question, then we have to take on the responsibility ourselves instead of just passing the blame to our government. It means the people of a country turned a blind eye to things because it was easier to go on with their daily lives instead of acting out against it. But, then there is also the democratic way of free speech and free thoughts so, how can one stop their neighbor from doing something just because one doesn't like it? And then you don't do anything to stop it and it's too late. They become too powerful.

travel changes

i just reminded my manager that i have a two day vacation scheduled in september which i have had scheduled since december. it is two weeks before our project goes live. originally i did have a plan - i was going to a scrapbooking class thing in houston. but i decided not to do that i just figured out i'd still use my days and go to nashville. i just scheduled that yesterday. so i brought it up to him so i wouldn't get any flack. he says he didn't know it. guess he doesn't read everything on my status reports because it's been on there for months. anyways, now i have to cancel my sept trip because we figure since it is always two weeks before our project goes live he'd rather i be around. i'm glad i asked cuz i was just going to get my tickets.

but i still get one week in lake tahoe in november. and we also negotiated that i can take off the end of december. i'll go to chicago for the holidays. i'll have a few days off before i go and then just hang out at home and celebrate new years with my dogs and relax as i did last year. so now my scheduled vacations is:

November, 2006 - Lake Tahoe
December, 2006 - Chicago
May, 2007 - Washington DC

I'm gonig to be jonesing between december and may but it's a good time to be out and about down here in florida so i'll go driving some places down here. still need to check out st. augustine, miami and the everglades!

travel planning night

well, i couldn't help myself. i just finished up a whole bunch of trips and i have none ahead of me and i can't stand it. damn wireless has let me have the computer attached to me today. . . bed, couch, kitchen! i'm in a unique situation this year where i have a ton of vacation time. i also own a timeshare and have extra weeks. so paid time off and a place to stay that is already paid for . . . i just can't help it. i have to use it. even if i don't have all that much extra money, i'm going to try and swing the airfare. if i get everything booked i can always cancel as time gets closer. so i spent the night figuring out all the places i want to go. and part of that was checking on average airfare prices from tampa. i was able to pick a bunch of places that i haven't been to before that is actually affordable to get to from tampa. it's not final because it all depends on if the resorts i want are availble, but i should have no problem when booking for 2007 now. only iffy one will be my september trip. i'll call tomorrow to see what i can get booked. here's what i have planned:

9/06: Nashville, Washington DC, Newport Rhode Island or Durango Colorado
11/06: Lake Tahoe (this one is already booked, just need to get my plane ticket)
12/06: Chicago visit for Christmas
2/07: Oaxaca, Mexico
5/07: Washington DC, Sedona AZ, Durango CO or Newport RI

I'm so excited! It's 6am and I'm just going to bed . . .

house for sale

here's a link to the listing for my house which is up for sale. looks like shit online!

Philosophies of Chance for the Lonely Traveller

Freedom
Freedom is an ideal. True freedom however, exists within the self. Think of things you have never done before, and then just do them. Be it sitting in a bar alone, karaoke, nude life-modelling or speaking a foreign phrase. If one so chooses, lone travel will liberate you from fear and conditioning.

Coincidence
Most travellers are familiar with the phenomenon of coincidence. You bump into an acquaintance in a bar in Barcelona or pass your long-lost sister on an escalator in a random airport somewhere. What does it mean? Maybe nothing, but maybe something. Just think about it.

Signs
Whether you believe in fate or not, it is an interesting concept to toy with as alone traveller. Always look for signs and opportunities. Life is full of them and you can choose to let them pass you by unnoticed, or you can choose to observe them. The path this leads one down will only be a rich and exciting one.

Gambling
Taking intelligent chances is the key to successful and rewarding experimental travel and indeed living. Chance and danger is what most people lack in their everyday life which is why they seek it out. Don't buy scratch cards. Book that flight, talk to a stranger, ask for the job, bin the map, deliberately miss the last train and see what happens.

Cause and Effect
For every event there is a cause and an effect, or so modern thinking leads us to believe. For every daily occurence, be aware of the effect this has on the self. Then consider the cause, that through us, it could have on the future. Shape the past that produces your future.

Serendipity
For every person you meet on your travels, or even at home, listen to what they have to say. Every person has a story. Consider what you can learn from every encounter you have. The meaning of life lies within the significance one perceieves in every human interaction.

Opportunity
Never turn your back on opportunities even when it requires effort or discomfort. Pursue them, seek them out, follow them. However, never be foolhardy. Question everything and trust your instincts, they are always right.

Limits
Push the limits within you and the world will expand and unfurl. Taking chances, using your imagination and developing awareness will bring you not closer to the edge, but reveal the joy of the endless possibilities of life. But take care, 'controlled chaos' is the goal.

Luck
Think of yourself as lucky, beause you are. Believe you are a lucky person and you will be. When confronted with difficulty, pain, injustice or frustration, remind yourself that in the future, 'luck' is now in your debt, and it will repay you.

Source Lonely Planet Blue Lists

Philosophies for lonely travel

Take pleasure in difficulties
Most travellers, particularly those who travel alone, do it for the challenge. When one is lying on a bunk bed beneath an itchy brown blanket that hasn't been washed for months, wondring why the hell you are putting yourself through it; rememeber "what is difficult is always worthwhile." Plato

Find where humour hides
Laugh at the absurdity of culture. Laugh at futility. Laugh at error. Laugh at misadventure. Laugh in the face of bad luck, chaos, misfortune and hostility. "Life can be a comedy or a tragedy　- it just depends how you look at it." W. Allen

Drink yourself into oblivion...
....hit rock bottom, and then open your eyes. People are adaptable. We secretly like and need to go through cycles of pain to then fully appreciate the intensity of the good times. Sometimes you need to wallow in misery. Do it until you are purged and then move on. Move up. "Happiness is more than momentary bliss." Aristotle

Write to give meaning
Travel is a bittersweet experience, as is starting a new life abroad. "Why do something so hard?" we ask ourselves. "Why do I feel I have to do it?" Write it all down. Capture something of the essence of your unique experience and your journey will become significant.

Discover what you don't want
People often say they travel to discover who they are and what they want. I say, travel to discover what you don't want. This is a fair more achievable goal. In doing so you will actually discover what is important to you in life.

Take chances
Chaos is to be embraced. Travel is unpredicatable. It is an adventure. Thus the traveller must welcome uncertainty into his fearful heart. Give yourself up to chance and in time you will be truly free.

Introspect a little
It is easier to access one's own mind when one is not in the comfort of one's living room. Question your thought processes, question your beliefs, question your identity, question your fears and your passions. Travel will isolate or liberate; think, and the choice is yours to make.

source from frommer's blue list

my secret garden

I found this new website the provides online guided meditation. You can download the meditations in a mp3 format to listen on your iPod or just listen to them streaming online. I listened to it online. I do try to meditate but I usually have a hard time concentrating so I like the concept of a guided meditation. It lasts about 20 minutes but i came out of it totally relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I then took a two hour nap! This one tells you to close your eyes and takes you to your secret garden.

I did have a hard time concentrating on this one because when they were telling you to walk across the freshly-cut grass in your barefeet, i could only think about fire ants maybe being in there! uh oh, maybe i really am becoming a floridian. so i changed my grass vision from my current back yard to the front lawn at my mom's house where, when i was young, we used to play for hours, run through sprinklers and lay down and look up at the clouds, guessing what shapes they were making.

i tried to get back into it but the next step was to lay down in a hammock. and all i could picture was the hammock i hung out in while in hawaii this year. and it's actually quite hard to get in and out of a hammock! so that made me laugh a little bit . . . would i still have a hard time getting into the hammock in my secret garden? oh well, guess some things don't change. after those few setbacks, i was able to get into the meditation and it was neat. i'll be doing it again.

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Rainbow

Dark Side of the Moon synchronized with The Wizard of Oz

freedom = happiness

i just figured something out. i was watching CNN this morning and listening to the new report about the conflicts between Isreal and Lebanon. They interviewed a reporter that is stationed in Lebanon. He said he felt safe, but that he'd rather be at home. Not because he isn't happy doing his job over there, but because his family really wants him home. He said that he likes Lebanon when he could come and go as he pleased, but he is not happy that he is forced to be stuck over there. That immediately reminded me of myself being "stuck" here in my house down in Florida. I'm not unhappy in Florida. And I'm not unhappy in this house. But the fact that I can't move to a different place in Tampa or move out of state until I sell my house makes me unhappy.

Last weekend I watched The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill which is an independent film about a wild flock of parrots that live on Telegraph Hill in San Francisco. This flock was started by parrots and other birds that were once people pets and then released. For some reason, all these random petbirds converged at Telegraph Hill and formed a flock. There were different variety of birds: cherry-headed conures, blue crowned conures (what Charlie Bird is), parakeets and others. The cherry-headed conures flourished and multiplied through breeding. There was only one Blue Crown, named Conner, who never had a mate. Conner was an outcast of the flock, even though he was a founding member, because he was different. He always hung out with the other outcasts like the parakeets because the cherry-heads were all mean to him. This make me incredibly sad since that was my birdie up there being an outcast. I even had to walk out of the room a few times. There was a man who studied the birds and he put together the documentary. Someone gave him a blue crown that they could not handle anymore. He hoped it would be a mate for Conner. He brought Conner to his house and the birds became fast buddies. They did all the typical mate behavior, of hanging out, preening each other, playing, etc. But it ended up this new bird was also a male so they could never become true mates. While at this guys house, Conner was free to come and go as he pleased. He could fly back in the wild, and hang in the flock where he was an outcast, or stay at this guys house with his new blue-crown buddy. Conner started going back in the wild on and off. He kept coming back but the new parrot ended up getting mad at Conner for abandoning him. So, per this parrot, Conner had to choose to stay with the new parrot and be his buddy or else he needed to stay away from this parrot because Conner hurt this parrots feelings when he left. This was demonstrated by the parrot's aggressive behavior towards Conner when he returned after being gone for a while. In the end, Conner chose his freedom.

In his book The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama states that desire leads to unhappiness. If you desire things, you will not be happy. The key to happiness is to remove the desire from your life. If you really want (desire) those new shoes, it will make you unhappy if you do not get them. If you really desire the new ipod, you will be unhappy if you do not get it. And if you do get these items, they do not lead to happiness anyways. Maybe fleeting happiness at the novelty of your new item, but not long term happiness. I really try to follow this in my life. When I am unhappy, I try to remove my desires. Be happy with what I have. Tell myself that I don't need that new thing that it is making me happy - whether it be a boy liking me, a vacation i want to take, or an item i want to buy.

But today I realized that maybe it is not "wanting something" but the freedom to be able to have something. The fact that I want a new iPod and cannot afford it does not make me unhappy. It's the fact that since I can not afford it I do not have a choice in if I get it or not. So be default, since I have no choice, or FREEDOM, I am unhappy. I try to remove the desire of wanting the iPod, but that is just one thing. The root is that right now I am not financially independent enough to buy things on a whim anymore. This makes me think of my friend who had to change up his entire life for his son. He wasn't planning on having a child and ended up changing his entire life because of it. he loves his son and his son is his world and would never change the fact that he has a son. but as a single father, his life has changed drastically and even differently than many of his other friends with children. he and his son are together now and he has custody, but my friend is not happy. i thought that when he got to be with his son, which was his DESIRE, that he would be happy. and his son does make him happy - but his soul is not happy. i realize it is because he does not have FREEDOM. and not freedom to go out and party like when he was child-free. basic freedoms. there are custody issues and he is forced to stay in one state. he had to move there suddenly a few months ago and needs to find a new place to live, new job, etc. he is basically being forced to start all over. visitation with his son's mom is a mess and he is forced to follow her schedule just to not rock the boat. It's not that he desires things to be different that makes him unhappy. it's that there is no choice or freedom around it. he is forced into a situation. To live there. To follow the demands of his son's mother. I also think of another friend who is very unhappily married. His wife treats him like shit and totally takes advantage of him. She doesn't work and not only does he work hard each day to make all the money for their family, but he comes home and makes dinner and takes care of his daughter - makes sure she gets a bath and puts her to bed. he does this so his wife can go out almost every night. He is "stuck" because of his daughter. Even though he doesn't get along with his wife, he doesn't want to break up his home because it will hurt his daughter and change their life financially if they split up into two households and he has to pay support and alimony. He is unhappy because he does not have a choice to live the life he wants to. And he also just has basic desires - a happy relationship with a significant other and to provide a loving and stable environment for his daughter to grow up in.

So if freedom can lead to happiness, how can we all achieve it? Or maybe it doesn't lead to happiness - but the absence of freedom definately leads to unhappiness. We are all not financially secure to be "free" at all times of our lives. They say money can't buy happiness, which I think everyone agrees with, but money can "buy" freedom, or ensure some freedoms for Americans. And freedom means choices. Choices mean control. Control over ones life is key to feeling that we are empowered enough to live the life we want to leave. So how do we aim for happiness in our lives if we can't have freedom?

I feel kind of shallow even writing about the fact that I am questioning freedom. I'm laying in my king-size sleep number bed, cuddled under a plush down comforter with the air-condition blasting in my large house in a fabulous community in a fabulous country. And I'm watching CNN watching the rest of the world acknowledging the true freedoms that most people do not have. Even putting it in perspective like that doesn't change things. While others don't have clean water to drink or enough food to eat, or they are living in fear of their lives because bombs are going off in their neighborhoods, i still desire the financial ability to buy the new iPod I want to or the freedom of not being tied down by this house to be able to move to a new neighborhood or state if I want to. And I still think those things will make me happier overall. I do count my blessing and appreciate I have, but i still think a few small changes will make me happier. It must be human nature.

gotta love the blogosphere

i just found an interesting article on digg. some guy was working with google reports and he found it frustrating. on his daily blog, he wrote "dear google, you're giving me a headache." this is the equivilant of me writing "dear ibm, you are giving me a headache" about the websphere stuff i'm doing. just a random thing that one writes in their blog.

apparently, someone at google read his blog and sent him a bottle of ibuprophin. isn't that hysterical! those guys are google are great.

Dear Google,

I wish you would give me a job and move me out there.

Rachel

challenge: relaxing

from twopeas:

What do you do to relax and wind down?

i do lots of things. i think there are two different types of relaxing. mental relaxing and physical relaxing. when i'm just completely exhausted, i usually plop down on the couch and watch the history channel or a movie. sometimes i listen to music and take a bath or even catch a nap. more often though, i just need to mentally relax. get my mind off things - distract myself. sometimes i get lost on the computer. i organize and edit my digital images. i have also started getting into video editing and am having fun playing with that. i belong to several online communities and sometimes wander around those. i blog, write travel journals, participate on message boards, watch videos on youtube, etc. when not on my computer, i practice playing piano or scrapbook. sometimes i go do something to get out of the house. i like to explore so maybe i'll go to a museum or shopping someplace.

mark twain the blogger

i am listening to mark twain's autobiography on audiobook right now. he is so interesting. or at least very whitty. he came up with the most interesting thoughts and sayings. he did not sit down and write his autobiography at the end of his life. he wrote it throughout his life. whenever he felt about writing about his life he wrote some of his autobiography. it seems to me that if mark twain were alive today, he would love blogging. i realize that if i ever want to write an autobiography later in my life, i'll be able to look back at my blog and remember all the small little things that happen in daily life which one forgets about over time.

an evening alone

how come sometimes i love being alone and sometimes i hate it? sometimes i'm so bored but i always have the same amount of stuff to do to keep busy. i worked my butt off today and really got into it. i kept working until about 6pm because i missed work on tuesday since i was sick and tomorrow morning i'm going to be late because i have to go meet with my attorney. i got a ton done and it felt great. i realize that it is easier for me to forget about smoking when i'm at work. i'm having a hard time at home. i guess because i smoked alot here. so i didn't leave work right away. i actually stayed until about 8:30. i was playing online, not working. but better do it there than at home and be thinking about smoking.

i've been reading this book i bought at the museum out in san francisco. it's called Living Out Loud: Activities to Fuel a Creative Life. it's one of those books you can flip through and don't really have to read. there are all sorts of fun things to do in there. the point is to "play" and "relax" and then you can let your creativity flow. it walks you through how to play since we are conditioned as adults that playing is non-productive. and all sorts of great ideas just to let go and relax. based on one of the suggestions tonight, i ate dinner on the good china, at the dining room table with candles :) it was fun (except for the sqwaking bird). i ordered a three-course dinner from an italian restaurant, picked it up on the way home, got out the china and made a plate, turned on the jazz and enjoyed. i've never eated at my table alone. i usually eat in front of the tv or computer. i know it's dorky, but it was really nice. kind of like a date with myself.

nic fits

i quit smoking today. i was going to quit on monday but i still had some cigarettes left. smoked my last one last night around midnight. this morning instead of getting more cigarettes i got the patches. $50 for two weeks worth! that costs more than it does for me to smoke. put it on around 9am and was fine until around 3am. Now it's about 7pm and i totally want to smoke! forgot how much the first few days suck. this is the 3rd time in my life i quit smoking. the first time was after about 4 years, the second time was after about 3 years. this time i've only been smoking for about 4 months so i thought it wouldn't be that bad. at least i don't have the physical habits of always smoking after i eat and when i drive too much. that was always the hardest part. but tonight, i just want to smoke. made a yummy dinner instead so hopefully that will get me to forget about it. aarrgghhh! i'm going to be crabby for the next few days. at least i have a box of fannie mae :)

scraproom july 2006

I got my goodies from the scraproom monthly club today. this month's "flavor of the month" kit includes: WR Memory Keepers Boho Chic; Fancy Pants Chi-Chi; Chatterbox Bunkhouse; and Paper Salon Bloom.

Chicago: Day 4

Sharon had a brunch today where I got to invite several of my friends and family that i haven't seen in a long time. it was a good group of people. some people i used to work with, some that i went to school with, and some old family friends. she made all sorts of yummy food and drinks. it was about 90 degrees and i ended up getting sunburn because i spent some time in the sun. I can't believe i live in florida, went to hawaii and the caribbean this year and got my first sunburn in chicago! anyways, it was a great way to end a great weekend in chicago.

inkblot photoshop effect

used a goofy image of chris with this photoshop tutorial to make an inkblot image like those in the gnarles barkley "crazy" video.

Chicago: Day 3

This morning I got up with my mom and we went to breakfast at the Sauganash Restaurant with Jeaneane. We were thinking of going to the DaVinci exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry but I was so tired, and we walked so much yesterday. So we just stayed home and hung around the house a bit. I took a nap and then Margie came home from running her errands. We had her birthday cake which was an awesome almond poundcake with hazelnut and other flavored mousse fillings. In the afternoon we went to go see Superman Returns. When we got back from the movie Dick was here. We had some chips and salsa with margaritas and then mom, dick and i went out for sushi. we came home and margie and i watched working girl while i helped my mom organized some of her pictures on her computer.

superman returns

We saw Superman Returns today. It was awesome. the best part was in the beginning when they first started playing the theme song. The movie could be good or bad, but there's something magical and exciting when you here the superman music and watch as clark kent changes into his superman outfit. and it's settled - superman is definately the best out of all the superheros.

Chicago: Day 2

We did alot today. Margie and I headed downtown around 1:30 in the afternoon. We parked the car and picked my mom up from work. From there we headed over towards Millenium Park. I haven't seen it since it has been completed. On the way we stopped at Moonstruck Chocolatierre which has amazing chocolates and coffees. We also passed through the Hard Rock Hotel - another place I haven't seen since completion. It was a gorgeous day and we had fun roaming around Millenium Park. There are alot of neat things there and it's a great addition to the city. We then went over to Marshall Field's on State Street. It's a big controversy since it is a Chicago icon and has been recently purchased by Macy's. They are in the process of changing the name over. We played with hair things, hats, jewelry, makeup, and purses. Margie got an awesome new Betsy Johnson purse which I contributed to as her bday present. Then we headed over to Brassiere Jo's for dinner. We got there around 5pm and sat at the bar until 6:30 when Dick and Tiffany met up with us. Dinner was awesome. I'd totally go back there. We were all feeling lazy and tired so we headed home after dinner.

Chicago: Day 1

Last night I got in aroun 7:30. My sister and mother took me out for an Italian dinner at Zia's in Park Ridge. Yummy! Afterwards, we stopped at Moher's, a new Irish bar that opened up near my mom's house. We saw Tommy Reardon and some of the guys from grade school / high school having a drink. They just came from a softball game. My friend Tiffany walked up to meet us and so did my "cousins" Kurt and John. I really needed a drinking night and that's what I got. I had about 2/3rds of a bottle of wine at dinner and three or four Smithwick's at Moher's. Tiffany and I left the bar around 1:30 am. We WALKED home. On the way we cut through the queens parking lot (where I went to grade school). we got home around two and tried to find a taco bell but all were closed so we settled on mcdonald's. got home around three and crashed.

another travel day

i still haven't received my luggage. the american airlines message said it would be delivered by 6:30 am. Then I got a call at 8:00 am from the delivery service telling me it would get here between 11 and 1. Right now it's 1:20 and still not here. I'm trying to pack with all my leftover clothes to get ready for chicago. I called the cab to come pick me up at 2:30. let's hope they get here on time. if my luggage doesn't get here by then i'll have to leave a note on the door asking them to leave it in front of my house. then my pet sitter will bring it in for me tonight. what a disaster.

$98 cab ride

i just took the most expensive cab ride of my life. and i have to do it again tomorrow. i just got back from a trip and they lost my luggage. stupid me had my car keys in that lost luggage. and the keys to my house are locked in the glove compartment of my car which i can't get into. so i took a cab home and it cost $98! no wonder i usually drive to the airport and pay for parking. i am leaving tomorrow to go to chicago for the weekend and i'll have to take a cab back to the airport. aarrrrgghhhh.

San Francisco: Day 5

Today is the 4th of July! We headed down to Pier 39 to see what was going on. It was crazy packed with people. On the way over to the pier we got an american flag from a veteran and some crazy balloon lady made a hat for CT. she totally annoyed the hell out of chris because she was taking so long and talking so much - of course this amused the shit out of me. at the pier we walked around a bit, CT and chris rode the carosel and then we walked to the end of the pier to take some pictures of alcatraz. finally a clear day! then it was nap time. CT conked out and chris and i watched two movies and we ordered pizza for dinner. around 8pm we headed out again to catch the fireworks.

red is a good color

San Francisco: Day 4

Today was a fun day. We got up and headed over to chinatown. We walked around a bit and the streets were packed. the san fran chinatown is way different than the chicago one. there are still tons of shops and stores - but it is much more of an open market out there. there were bins full of live fish and we even saw a rooster wandering the sidewalk. i got my dim sum fix which i had been craving. too bad i was the only one who liked all the dumplings. after walking around for a few hours we headed back to the hotel to grab a nap. then we went over to Chris' place where we stayed the night. We got to play with CT alot. the two of them are so fun to watch together. CT pounces on him nonstop and chris loves every minute of it. oh, and he took me for really awesome burritos!

San Francisco: Day 3

Today I finally got to meet CT. We picked him up from Napa around 9pm. Didn't do much today because we were so tired. After we got CT we took him back to the hotel, played with him a bit and tried to get him to bed. We all watched the new Ice Age 2 movie which was really cute. Chris and I stayed up a bit and talked after he went to bed.

San Francisco: Day 2

Chris was sick today so I got to venture out on my own for a bit. I got up around 9 or so because I couldn't sleep and I walked around Fisherman's Wharf and took some pictures. I had fresh clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl - for breakfast! Then I went back to sleep. We got up around noon and Chris went back home to get a few hours of sleep and I headed out to the de Young museum in Golden Gate Park. I am so glad I went. I was really impressed with the museum. They had a great selection of "Oceania" which included masks and weapons used by cannibals when they were hunting for sacrifices. That section was kind of more like a history museum than an art museum so I really liked that. There was some really great art too. I spent about two hours there before I got tired and headed back to the hotel. I tried to take a nap but was too hungry so I headed down to Pier 39 to get some lunch and shop around a bit. Chris came and met me around 8pm or so and we headed down to North Beach for a yummy Italian Dinner. We walked around a bit and went to the Hustler club. Then we called it a night and headed back to the hotel. Still stayed up talking until about 3am.